So that last post was in the works a while ago but then I decided to save it for Grandpa's birthday (all together now, AWWWWWW).
This means I haven't really posted anything in a couple of weeks, and most of the summer has been stuffed full of vacation recaps and photo orgies for the extended family. Which is fine -- I want to remember this stuff and all the little stories when I am decrepit and incontinent, after all.
But that brings me to my point, if I have one: okay wait -- maybe I don't have one. Except my last 2 weeks have sucked royally, to the point that I can compare them only to the disaster that is postpartum Nicole (physically and emotionally). And I think maybe I just need to blog it out.
Problem is, I am too tired to do it tonight. But I wanted you to know that before I continue with the tail end of summer goings-on I am going to have to purge a few things.
Like maybe that my leg is worse and was in a cast for 2 weeks (with bonus crutches), including over my 30th birthday which was another disaster all it's own (some of you saw my post that I put up and quickly took down that day in an effort to grow up and change my attitude -- THAT worked well, obviously).
Or maybe the part where 5 days after being cast I got to go have bladder surgery that didn't go all that well, and then got a bonus catheter to go with the bonus crutches for a whole week. And now I am on prostate medication even though I am, you know, totally lacking a prostate, but whatever.
Or the part where for a whole week I couldn't fall asleep before 4:00 am, and was up until after 7:00 am (twice), which basically made me stark raving mad. More than normal.
Or the part where now my leg is in a boot but all of a sudden hurting again which causes me to spend inordinate amounts of time worrying that I'll never run again, all the while getting flabbier and flabbier and watching a part of my body literally become an unrecognizable pile of mush.
Or the part where I sent my baby to preschool for the first time today and came home to a quiet house that I was too disabled to clean, so instead I spent hours watching the clock and wondering if I have totally blown the years I had with my kids at home by being too caught up in stuff that doesn't really matter.
Or the part where I put my special needs child on the bus for kindergarten yesterday, worried all day about him, was relieved when he came home smiling and "on green", only to have both the bus driver AND his teacher talk to me this afternoon about his unacceptable behavior on Day 2. Day-freaking-2. You know, that behavior that I can't fix because my kid has Asperger's. Fantastic.
So yeah, in addition to all the waist-down physical pain I have been through in the last 2 weeks (or 4 months, if we're being honest), I have been a blubbering emotional train wreck too. Lucky Boone. Lucky everyone who knows me.
Seriously, I feel postpartum. Except I'm not spraying milk everywhere (you're welcome for that).
Waaaaahhhhh.
(Maybe this is enough after all.)
13 comments:
Oh Nicole, I'm so sorry that your leg and stuff are being so "cooperative"! You are amazing though, even through it all, you can still write it out in such a way that it sounds funny. I guess that's the positive side of it all. You really are a great writer. You can take the most random things and make it really entertaining to read. I love that, and I'm totally jealous, by the way!:)
But seriously, you need anything, please let me know!!! If you want to be a "blubbering emotional train wreck" to someone different to mix things up, just email me (since I know you don't like the phone) and I'll come right over! :)
Do you feel better now that you got all of that off of your chest? I think you've handled everything really well. Granted I haven't been over there at 4:00 in the morning when you can't sleep and feel like you are going crazy. But, it finally looks like things are on the upswing. I am praying for your leg and your sanity. Seriously. Working out alone is the pits.
Sorry sweetie, but sometimes life just really sucks. This too shall pass and life will be better. I sound trite, but I've had these periods in my life when all seemed dark. Just hang in there, say lots of prayers, and the light will return.
Wish I knew a quick fix, but I don't.
Lots of people, even people you really don't know care about you.
Dang girl, that's a sucky suck couple of months. I think Chrysta's mystery gift will have you smiling soon enough. Hope day 3 is better!
Oh the mystery gift. You don't even know. Things are about to get so much better:)
But fo rills. Sorry life has been throwing you a suck bone. Gag. Here's to things getting better!!!!! (?)
if it helps any our gracie which is "normal" got kicked off the bus after 2 weeks and was on red/black light at least twice a week for the whole school year. i ended up volunteering everyday in the classroom and going on the field trips so the teacher would like me. this year isn't looking much better by the way. i hope yours gets better. maybe you need a little retail therapy. you could ride on one of those scooters.
Um, yeah that all Super Sucks (to quote Bird). Have you received mystery gift yet? I do believe it will have you in some giggle fits. Giggle fits of delight. ANd I just hope that you are feeling better and perhaps a little less stark raving mad. Me and your fellow UMCers love you:)
The mystery gift has not arrived yet, but I CAN confirm that a tracking number has been issued, and the gift is currently scheduled for a Monday delivery.
I have no idea what you Kilgores are up to, but I can't wait to find out.
And yes, I do feel better now that I vented it. And also now that I ate half a bag of peanut M&M's for lunch and Lemon Sugar Cookie ice cream at dessert.
Don't judge me, it's day 1 people (which maybe also has something to do with that whole "emotional train wreck" thing).
Nicole---I'm sooooooo sorry that you have to go through all this...and at one time....LAME! Maybe it means you'll get a freaken amazing break after it's all over where everything will be perfect...or you'll just keep becoming a better person through the trials (I kinda hope for number one--good luck with that). Also, I think you're neat! And...I want some m&m's and sugar cookie ice cream..I think I'll have some later---it really is about moderation right? (I think I'm off my diet...oh, what do you do--for real--moderation.)
I won't say much that hasn't already been said other than to let you know that I, too, have been having some post-partum depression lately - and I've never even had a kid! My post-30 issues are for totally different issues and yet are somehow the same. You should move here so we can hang out and share M&Ms and cookies together - whether we're bummed or not.
Um, please explain Lemon Sugar Cookie Ice Cream. I'm drooling.
Oh, man. I hate missing out on the Kilgore fun. So the Mystery Gift, include me in that, from me, I mean. (They won't mind.) Because I would have, had I been in TN, you know, helped think of it. Because we (you and me) totally could have been there, in TN, as Kilgores. Do you love it, the Mystery Gift? (What is it already?!?!?!)
Hope you're feeling waaaay better soon.
Sara: there is a grocery chain here (Publix) that has the most insanely delicious store brand ice cream and frozen yogurt in existence. They have a Key Lime Pie frozen yogurt that is To. Die. For.
But I recently discovered a new flavor in the light ice cream section. I normally don't do light ice cream because what's the point? But this flavor -- Lemon Sugar Cookie -- was only available in the light variety and I had to try it. It does not in any way resemble any light ice cream I have ever had before, and is so creamy it's almost painful.
But yeah -- basically, if you have had the Girl Scout Lemon Cream Chalet cookies, this is that in ice cream form. Lemon ice cream with crunchy lemon cookie crumbs and swirls of vanilla icing.
Amen.
And Deb? I still don't have the mystery gift. If I am not mistaken it is due to arrive tomorrow, and when I get it in my grubby little hands I'll throw a mental thank you your way. And then I'll tell you what you got me:)
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