I fell off the bloggy wagon again, I know. I got through 2 whole posts before I blew it this time, so maybe I can make it through 3 before I quit the next time.
Anyway, I just thought I should share the best part of my day today, and I am going to do it in my favorite format for kid tattling:
(Ahem)
Once upon a time, there was a 30-something mommy sitting in a bench at church. This particular bench happened to be close to the front of the chapel, but it was better than sitting in the chairs towards the back (because you lose the kid-corralling effect, duh). In front of the mommy sat the bishop's wife and the missionaries. Next to her in the same bench sat the EQ President and his family. Sitting on the stand a mere 3 rows away were the Bishop, the Stake President, and the Area Authority Seventy (pretty much all the leadership for our area for those who aren't LDS).
The mommy was trying to convince all 3 kids to chill the freak out while Boone was in the foyer phoning in a prescription for a patient who was swelling up like a balloon, and thought she had finally calmed them down enough to have a few quiets minutes of reflection while the sacrament (like communion, kind of) was being passed.
Prince Keaton had other plans.
He leaned over, quietly at first, to inform the mommy that he had no intention of eating the bread. He was in a rather foul mood all morning, and the mommy was smart enough not to battle over this one and replied simply, "Well, that's your choice."
Just as the mommy was congratulating herself on not being ruffled by Prince Keaton, a small finger made it's way into her field of vision.
That small finger had the largest, grossest booger of all time stuck to the end of it. It looked like a small slug, to be honest.
The mommy frantically reached down into The Church Bag (believe me, it deserves to be capitalized) to find a tissue to confiscate the slug booger, decided a dried out wipe crammed into a pocket was good enough, and grabbed Prince Keaton's offending finger to clean it up.
To which he responded, in the loudest voice possible (during the quietest part of the meeting),
"NO! STOP! LET ME CHOOSE THE WRONG! I WANT TO CHOOSE THE WRONG! LEAVE MY BOOGER ALONE!"
In front of the mommy -- laughing. Behind the mommy, laughing. To the right of the mommy -- HYSTERICAL laughing. Actual mommy -- not laughing.
Prince Keaton should have known better not to mess with the mommy, because the mommy is way bigger than him and was able to retrieve Booger Slug soon thereafter and foil his plan.
Until the part where he got mad about being robbed of his nostril treasure and started screaming,
"FINE! I AM TAKING OFF ALL OF MY CLOTHES!!! I WANT TO BE NAKED! I'M GETTING NAKED AT CHURCH!"
At which point the mommy nearly knocked over the people in the aisles rushing to get Evil Prince Keaton out of the building.
The mommy found the daddy in the foyer, chucked Prince Keaton towards him, and waited a few minutes to cool off before going back into the chapel to a room full of people with the biggest smiles you have ever seen.
So glad we could provide the entertainment. You're welcome, Grandview Ward.
18 comments:
I am really sorry that I laughed so hard. I know what it is like to be on the mommy end of the story, but then I think of Kix rolling all over at church (some of it going swimming) and then I don't feel so bad.
We love your kids!
And you guys too!
:-)
Thanks for the laughs Keaton! We miss you guys!
Hil-ar-i-ous!!! It's extra funny because it's not my kid!! I laughed out loud at this!!! :) I know, I know, my day will come soon enough!!
Man I miss you guys!! :-) Thanks for the laugh. You never disappoint!
I had a wide range of emotions while reading that. Mostly happiness, but a few others mixed in. I want Keaton back in our ward. I mean, you and Boone and the other kids would be great too. Keaton just has a way of making people smile even when they shouldn't.
Pure awesomeness.
Hilarious! Miss that kid. And the rest of you too. At least it sounds like you have a cool ward. Laughs are better than dirty looks right?
Church and kids, so much potential! And Keaton made the most of it. Good for him. Because we only get to act like this and have people laugh for a limited time. Imagine if were Boone with the slug booger -- see what I mean? No as much laughing, I'm thinking.
Kudos to the fantastic mommy in this story!
I think your calling the booger a nostril treasure was my favorite part! We miss ya'll.
This is the best blog post you've ever written. I want to send you a dozen, dozen roses for making me laugh like this. You - actually, Keaton - made me so flipping happy with this post.
Let me choose the wrong!
Yes, yes, yes - I am sharing this post.
There's nothing I can write that hasn't already been written. But, I laughed so hard!! We miss you guys too!
**sob!**
I miss Keaton! And you, too, but Keaton! I am so glad you have found a ward family who will love him as much as we did...
Thanks for posting!
My jaw (TMJ, remember?) hurts so much more after reading this and not being able to control the laughing.
I love Keaton!
Also, sorry, that sucks. Kids+sacrament meeting= feelings of wanting to gauge my eyes out. With a dull spoon.
I read this out loud to my husband... and have reenacted the tiny little finger appearing in front of his face a few time, sans slug. Hhaha! So funny!
Thanks for sharing! Nothing like a titillating child/sacrament story to get you back on the blog horse again!
best sacrament story I have EVER heard!
Ah Keaton, how we miss you! Nicole, that is seriously one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. Those are the moments I dread living through, however. Who know that being a parent is so humiliating? Every time I think we've gotten past the point where my kids can make me wish I could sink through the floor and disappear, one of them proves me wrong. Ah, life!
How did I miss this? Did you say you were sitting on the same bench as us? I have no recollection of this. You have the best adventures!
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