But for whatever reason (I think it has to do with uploading a bazillion pictures) I just keep putting it off.
My new idea is that I need to start small and ease into the big posts, so here you have it -- me going small. And random.
Don't tell me that's not laugh out loud funny. It is. I don't even have to comment further.
Moving on.
A few posts back I confessed all (most) of my idiot mothering moments. It was therapeutic. I seem to like to beat myself up for all the things I do wrong, but tonight, I am going to tell you what I think may be my single most brilliant mothering technique to date. I know, I know, you are on pins and needles...
So. Rylan is dramatic. She worries. A LOT. About once or twice a week Boone and I hear her after we have tucked her in laying in her bed and crying. Loudly (and usually incoherently). I have a little more empathy in the "sobbing hysterical mess" department than my stable husband, so I task myself to trudge down the hall on these nights.
Tonight the issue at hand was: What we would do if our house caught on fire and the cats were too afraid to come out from under the beds and they died and also is anyone strong enough to carry our (20 gallon) aquarium out so the fish won't die?
Just off the top of my head, some other recent concerns/hysteria producing concepts have been:
- What if the tooth fairy writes me a note saying "next time you should be more careful with your tooth" (after she misplaced -- for the THIRD time -- a baby tooth she'd recently shed...don't even get me started on that story)
- What if we forget to watch the weather one night and a tornado comes while we are sleeping and sucks us all up (okay, that is a somewhat valid concern I guess)
- What if Heavenly Father can't understand my prayers because I am crying too hard/have a sore throat/keep coughing
- Why can't we recycle used Kleenex's -- "they are paper, of course"
I tried to tell her just to lay still. I tried to teach her to relax each part of her body from her toes to the top of her head (like my mom used to do). I tried to have her pray herself to sleep. Many, many times she would agree to try these things only to ramp back up 45 minutes later even more frustrated at her failures (and now BEYOND exhausted).
And then one night it happened. My brain produced an idea.
"Wait here Rylan, I'll be right back."
(Scurry into the kitchen, open cabinet we keep medicines in, retrieve small chewable object, scurry back to Ry's room.)
(It's not what you think.)
(This was our conversation the first time I had this idea.)
(Also, I love parenthetical remarks.)
"Chew this up and get a drink of water. It will help you fall asleep."
(Looking at me like I am an idiot)
"Mom, this is a gummy vitamin."
"I know what it is -- I just got it out of the cabinet. It will help you sleep."
"Why would that even work?"
"Because vitamins help your body work the best that it can, and I guess your body just needs extra vitamins to sleep tonight."
(Long pause while she digests the idea....fingers crossed....please, be a 6 year old and just trust me for once...even though I am sort of manipulating you...but it's for your own good....and my sanity....)
"Okay." (Chomp chomp swallow -- YES!!!)
I patted her head, tucked her in again, and seriously, like 2 minutes later, OUT.
I have used the vitamin placebo probably a dozen times since then, and it. works. every. time.
Come on. You can't tell me that isn't pure genius! I rarely toot my own horn, especially in the parenting department, but...
TOOT TOOT.
And you're welcome.
9 comments:
I've opened three blogs this morning with that picture. It's just as funny every time :)
I have a an old pill bottle filled with Smarties (only the white ones!) which I pull out on those "I can't sleep" nights. They also work well on the 9 year old when he says he's too sick for school and I know he's faking.
~Brandi
That is pretty dang smart. Maybe she needs melatonin to help her relax. I know a lot of people who give that to their kids at bedtime to help them relax. But I guess as long as the vitamin placebo thing is working for you, you don't need it. She is so funny with all her little concerns. She definitely has a very active mind. That's not a bad thing.
OMG!!!!!!!! You are the smartest and funniest wife I have ever, EVER had! So much genius that I am not smart enough to even comprehend it. And so funny that I just peed my pants. A lot. Like, I made a puddle through my pants, down the leg of the chair and onto the floor. And did I mention that you are also smokin' hot?
Did Boone, even facetiously, just admit that you are smarter than he has the ability to comprehend? PRINT THAT.
Mom told me the tooth-fairy story and we both laughed til we cried. And maybe I peed a little in my pants. OMG-- could Boone be "preggers" too???
I really think that you need to do everything in your power to prevent this child from developing any kind of social conscience. I mean, if she's already losing sleep over her inability to recycle kleenexes, she's going to be neurotic by the time she really comprehends problems like global warming, combating poverty, the failing health system, homelessness.....you get the idea. I recommend playing that song from "Wicked" for her over, and over, and over again. You know, life is painless for the brainless, it's just life etc. etc. By the way, I love the vitamin solution. I think I'm going to give that one a try!
I'm gonna tuck that vitamin idea in my pocket for when I have kids. Brilliant!
And thank you so much for finding that screen shot of Grampa Crazy! When I saw him make that face after the debate I busted out laughing (almost as hard as I did when he talked about how silly the idea of a woman's "health" is and how concerned Palin is with Women's issues. Almost.)!
Maybe he was just trying to catch his teeth before they fell out.
and re: the Rylan story. I'm not in to the "fake" drugging your kids.
I'm all about baby benedryl. Gavin is convinced he's allergic to most Earthly things (especially on airplanes when he's making the moves to kick the seat in front of him. Open up! its naptime!!!
Ha ha, this is going in my "big book of parenting tips." It's actually the first and only entry.
So that in itself should be note worthy. (hee hee)
I finally seized a minute to catch up on blogs and I laughed out loud until I cried. I LOVE Rylan!!! Thanks for the laugh--I did need it tonight.
Love you,
Momn
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