So I have a bit of a potty mouth. It's a bad habit for which I have no good excuse -- except for these:
1. Sometimes it's just flat out funny to swear. If you do it all the time it loses it's appeal, but who doesn't die laughing when a little kid drops a bomb? (I'm talking 8 and younger here -- not pre-teens or full blown teens.) When used sparingly you'll score every time. This is factual.
2. Sometimes "Dang it all to heck!" just doesn't do it for me. No catharsis whatsoever. It's like eating low fat ice cream -- what's the point?
3. Sometimes I am dramatic (no really, I am) and I just throw a little something extra in for shock value and added punch. I suppose this is slightly hypocritical considering what I recently wrote about Bear Grylls. But still.
I find myself swearing the most in two situations (let's see how many numbered lists I can pull off in one post, in honor of all my UMC gals;):
(This list will be in reverse order, because I'm cool like that)
2. When my mom or Boone's parents come to visit.
Let me clarify that they are not in any way doing anything that makes me want to swear. I think I just know I can't let anything fly in front of them, so the rebel in me makes up for it by going to Food Lion and cussing my way through the produce section. I am not exaggerating when I say I have just strung expletives together for absolutely no reason while in the grocery store. Boone may have joined me. (And we laughed our heads off)
1. When I am asleep -- specifically in my dreams.
I don't know what the deal is on this one. It's really what prompted the whole post. In real life, I don't drop the big ones, just the little cute swears.
But when I am asleep, so help me I say anything and everything in the book. Strung together. Loudly. It's like I have nocturnal Tourette's or something. I swear so much in my dreams that I feel guilty about it when I wake up. And it's not like in these dreams I am having normal conversations with a random *&%$#@* filled line here and there. I am tearing someone a new you-know-what. I reach some level of all out rage in my dreams that I never experience in real life (excepting when the DVR cuts the last 8 seconds off of The Office).
Anyone else have this problem? And I'm talking rage/cursing enough to make a sailor blush in your sleep.
I don't want to know about the other things you do in your dreams that make you feel guilty, you pervs.
P.S. Apparently I like the word pervert a lot. Who knew?
10 comments:
Yeah, I have that "problem" too. My newest project is working on disappointing/getting disowned by my severely uptight and prissy parents. Jason says I seem to have invented new curse words, and that I get a "greasy eyed" look when I do it. (I wish I could look in a mirror, but if I did I would probably crack myself up which would ruin the occasion for a %$@*!-fest in the first place.)
Thanks to the most recent swear-fest threads I actually swore the other day while waiting for the movie to start. OUT LOUD! I, thankfully, said it quietly enough that only I heard it. But I immediately guffawed (seriously, guffawed) about it and turned red and ended up explaining it to Chase and those sitting around me. Guess it looks like I'll have to stop reading your blog. Sara's too. You're corrupting my innocent innocence, Nicole. Thanks a lot.
Well, I figure between my potty mouth and my political affiliation that I am on the fast track to Hell.
I need company.
Chrysta and Emma already RSVP'd "Thanks, but no thanks", so I am now doing my best to recruit other fun people for a ride in a handbasket.
(MWAAA--HAHAHAHAHAH!)
Yes, I totally have rage in my dreams! I rant at my mom or my dad...or really any family member or friend. I'm suppressing major childhood issues or something.
PS responded to your comment on my blog
At least you just talk/swear. I have had a problem with sleep walking in my past...only a few times. But those few times make me want to weld my front door shut. Yup, that's right...walked right up to the front door, opened it, and started to walk outside. (In my sleep wear, if you catch my drift.)
Cilka,
Did you ever sleep walk into the kitchen, pull a dining chair into the middle of the room, pull you pants down and start to pee?
No? Then you are doing better than a sister of mine:)
(It was freaking HILARIOUS for the rest of us who were awake to witness it!)
I'm married to sailor! (literally) LOL!
Well, technically he's a still a sailor, he is in the Navy...but he's flying now....
My point is, WE can relate! LOL! LOL!
In my opinion, a lady that will drop it hard every now and then works for me!!! Boo Yaaaa
Hello, Nicole. Deb here.
I love to swear, I admit it. And certain ones just pack more punch than others. Those are my favorites. I know it's the Devil working through me, blah blah blah, but I don't care. So I'm thinking our ride in the handbasket will be the perfect time to plan the B4O agenda while we eat snacks and cuss.
On another topic, can you please speak to me about your Bissell? Maybe a follow-up post (from April 08) to see if it's still kicking dirt's a$$. I've been dreaming of a steamer for my floors for a year, ever since discovering the Shark steamer infomercial. It's pretty much all I watch Saturday afternoons. Do you use your Bissell on hardwood? Do you ever wish you had a Shark? I really really want one for Christmas. Is that too much to ask? I got a Dyson last year in exchange for Matt getting Cooper (the chicken carcass-eating Lab) and it changed my life. I could use another jolt. If it's not post-worthy, maybe Chrysta can forward you my email address so you can respond directly.
Ha ha ha, sleap swearer. Love it. My language started going down hill with the job I'm in now. It's just so much more satisfying to swear sometimes.
Plus if you put bloody in front of anything it's just fun.
My mom used to tell me that it was a sign of a weak vocabuarly to swear. I believed her until the first time I swore. Then that little lie went out the window.
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