Apparently there has been some confusion on the magnitude of the mess Keaton made in this story. He didn't actually poop all over the living room -- he went in the toilet and just never...um..."cleaned up" before sitting on the couch. It could have been much worse. It has been before.
Washing "Bane of my Existence" Machine
Still running. Still balanced with the same wad of paper towels Boone stuck under the leg on March 19, 2008. Freakin' Kenmore. IHateYouIHateYouIHateYou.
Dear Diet Coke...
I never meant to hurt you. We had some good times together, but I didn't know what was missing in our relationship until recently. I liked you the way you were in the old days. I liked you liked you when you debuted in Cherry flavor, and I was head over heels for you when you came in Vanilla Coke Zero -- in fact, I literally shook with excitement!
I wasn't looking for anything new, but I stumbled upon something that turned my world upside-down.
I never knew I could feel this way about someone else, but Crystal Light Energy makes me SO HAPPY! Sototallyhappyandabletoleaptallbuildingsandrunfasterthanever! I thought I could make it work with both of you, but I found myself resentful when it was your turn. I only wanted to see you when it was too late in the day (after 12:00) for my new squeeze. And that's not fair to you.The truth is, you make my teeth darker, and you make me kind of belchy, and my husband is a dentist and knows the evils of carbonation. And then, you just disappeared. I looked for you for two weeks, but you are nowhere to be found. Maybe you read the writing on the wall, I don't know. Regardless, it was the last straw (pun intended). It's over. You were good to me, but once you go pink, well, you know.
Bissell Steam Mop
Yep, I still love it. Just like when I got my Dyson, the subsequent cleanings haven't been as jaw droppingly awesome as the first one, but that's just because the thing totally kicks-A. I know that I am personally responsible for the purchase of at least 2 more Bissell's, and I gotta tell ya, I think I know what it feels like to be a man now, spreading my Steam Mop seed throughout the land. Or something. OK, that may be a really gross analogy, but it stays. Deal with it.
(And Deb -- my neighbor bought one after my glowing review the first time around. She has a lot of hardwood and LOVES it. The only less than stellar comment I have heard {thanks for tainting the story, Emma} is that if you have REALLY deep grooves/grout lines, the fibers in the cleaning pad aren't long enough to get into them. I haven't had that problem at all, but you know, full disclosure is my middle name.)
Just the Facts, Ma'am
Ok, this is a totally non-partisan message, really and truly. It will probably never happen again so savor the deliciousness. There's an awful lot of mud slinging going on at this point in the campaign, and I think most of us -- regardless of political affiliation -- can agree that both sides are using some half-truths and distortions in their ads. Especially the 527's.
For the sake of our country (and just because truth is kind of a good thing to have), I beg everyone to check out the sound bites and false claims you are hearing about on FactCheck.org
before you believe that Obama supports infanticide or McCain claims to have invented the Blackberry. It is a non-partisan organization that researches and debunks false claims on both sides.
And finally...
Be Still My Heart (and my butt. Seriously. Quit jiggling)
There are no words...
35 comments:
Thanks for the Bissell update. I do have deep grooves in my hardwood, but I'm not cleaning them out now so I'm not too worried about my steam mop missing them. The way I figure it, if I continue to let them fill up with dirt, eventually there won't be any more grooves. Problem solved.
I too have a washing machine that I hate hate hate that just won't die. It doesn't spin after the first wash cycle, so we have to leave the lid open (so it will agitate but stop before draining without spinning), return when we think it's done agitating, and then shut the lid three times in order to make the spin gears catch. When it dies I'm getting a stackable front loading washer and dryer. I've never ordered/cancelled them, but I do dream about them sometimes.
And I'm soooo stopping at WalMart on the way home to buy Crystal Light Energy. Yahoo!
Wow, this post was both entertaining and highly informative. Seems you have stumbled upon several new products. You should be paid for your advertising. I am looking for a mop for all my horrid, base housing, cheap laminate floors. These floors probably aren't worthy of such a mop, but they are starting to get nasty, and I am desperate. I'll have to look it up. Oh, and I'm glad you clarified the story on your alleged 202 lbs. :) Your not helping me with your pictures of Ben & Jerry's. I'm very vulnerable right now! sniff sniff.
The Bissell Steam mop is on my Christmas list. It was on my birthday list last spring after I read your post (yesivebeenblogstalkingyousincethen), but I think I got nothing instead, which I love just as much, I'm sure.
B&J flavors, love 'em while they last. My ALL time fav is "Makin' Whoopie Pie." Srsly and its now in the flava graveyard.
Sara, don't know if you read my comment to Nicole's last post, but it's also on my Christmas list! I'll get you one if you get me one. Either way, I bet you don't love your nothing as much as I love my oven mitts.
And, hello, reality: I'm never getting a stackable front loading washer and dryer.
And Chyrsta, you might be the only person who's actually seen both Nicole and me... Is it possible one of us was given away at birth? How many people could possibly be snarky-blonde-Obama-loving-Zero-drinking-potty-mouthed-Bissell-obsessive-lipgloss-wearing-fishy-she-pigs whose bathrooms smell like salad?
Sara,
I am personally grateful for the flava graveyard, because if they never died, my butt would be so big that it would fill the whole earth.
Seriously, V.S. would have to design a new line for me -- "Magenta" or "Bubblegum", because the word "Pink" by itself would look like fine print across my derriere.
P.S. Thanks for the warning on your playlist -- I scrolled down not knowing my volume was up and BAM! -- Piano Fantasy song! It scared the urine out of me. Just a bit.
I'm not kidding.
Sarah (with an "H"),
You have no idea how many times Boone has asked me, "Are they paying you or something?" And "they" could be Bissell, Dyson, Target, Crystal Light Energy, Sonicare...SONICARE!
HOW HAVE I NOT POSTED ABOUT SONICARE!? I love that toothbrush with every fiber of my being! I can't help it, I find something I love and just have to tell everyone I know about it. In detail. And with visual aids and/or demonstrations.
Somebody really should pay me to talk. Or to shut up. Just throw money at me and I'll do whatever.
I'll see your Sonicare and raise you MY NEW WATERPIK. And let's not scandalize a good chunk of your readers by explaining exactly WHY you've left Diet Coke behind in favor of Crystal Light Energy, or SHALL WE???
Chrysta please. Anyone who is still reading my blog has got to have a pretty high tolerance for my flaws at this point.
If I haven't scared everyone away by swearing, praising Obama, slamming Palin, and buying fake Coach bags in a back alley in NYC, telling people that I made the switch because it's like DOUBLE the caffeine of Diet Coke isn't going to phase anybody.
The other stuff I said (tooth staining, carbonic acid = the devil) helped ease the transition, but yeah, I needed something STRONGER!
I really can't drink it past lunchtime though or it messes with my ability to sleep.
I'm all about public confession. It's so liberating:)
Are you sure it's only double the caffeine? I thought it was more like triple...
Just to clarify that I meant my Deb-Nicole comparison to be highly complimentary and oh-so witty. "Fishy-she-pig": totally a fun a jibe at McCain's camp; "snarky": tell it like it is, sista!; "bathroom smells like salad": just typically-Nicole LOL funny. In the light of day I'm not so sure it conveyed my utter delight in reading your blog, not only because I find you most highly entertaining, but also because I'm amazed that you're writing the same stuff swirling in my brain.
However, do not wear a size four. Maybe on one cankle.
And now that I know WHY you're drinking Crystal Light Energy, I'm totally stoked. I'm already taking Dexatrim (caffeine with a twist of energy-enducing proprietary herbal blend) just to make it through the day. With Dexatrim AND Crystal Light Energy, just imagine what I can accomplish! Like maybe dusting, or cleaning the toilets. Nah.
Geez, ladies. Why don't you just skip straight to the point. You could move to Wasilla and try THEIR Crystal. See how many floors you could clean with that stuff...
(Hmmmmmm.... pondering whether or not drug jokes are funny. In this case I vote yes.)
Yes, the drug joke was funny, but we're definitely going to have to put parental advisory labels on all our blogs the way things have been going lately. And Ta-May-May may have to be banned. You know, because she's for sure not hearing anything like this in high school.
Oh, and Deb? Trust me, she got it. Her brain doesn't work any differently that yours (or mine) at 2am, which is when she is usually on a blog frenzy.
Chrysta speaks the truth Deb -- I totally got it.
Apparently, she is also right about my caffeine increase. Crystal Light Energy has 120 mg caffeine per packet -- which they say is 2 servings (snort!). Raise your hand if you are going to save half a packet....yeah, I thought not.
A can of Diet Coke (depending on the flavor) runs 34-45 mg caffeine. So yes, dear Chrysta, I have tripled my caffeine intake.
And Deb? I would recommend NOT using one of these at night to wash down your 2 Excedrin. YesIwasreallythatstupidonce. At 8:00 pm I took about 250 mg of caffeine into my system.
Of course, I was so ticked at 2:30 am that I finally just washed a handful of Unisom down with Rx cough syrup. Lights out, ladies!
(KIDDING! Tooootally kidding about that second part. I do not have a drug problem. Well, unless you count the caffeine.)
No worries, I already have a parental block on Nicole's blog.
Ryan picked up that Crystal Light for me one time not realizing what it was... (what is it about men and only having selective reading skills when it comes to labels in the grocery store? Okay, Boone, we know you are the exception....) and yeah, I was pretty sure it must have been laced with crack in addition to the caffeine... I didn't stop shaking from it for a good like 14 hours... sadly, a whole box of it got chucked... too bad, if only I had known how much you needed it :)
And what is wrong with knocking yourself out with rX cough syrup? I mean, if you're not pregnant, of course.
And pumpkin cheesecake ice cream debuting with the infamous Halloween Egg Nog? I may see your 202 pounds and even raise you. Good hell.
*clarification to the Rx cough syrup comment-- I mean, honestly, if the dr's don't intend for you to have a crockload of it, why do they prescribe GIANT bottles of it for a condition they know to be remedied in a few days dosings????
Sadly, I couldn't find Crystal Light Energy. BUT, I did find POWER EDGE! We're talking 160 mg of caffeine per packet, with "taurine, guarana and ginseng added for an extra punch!" I have no idea what any of those things are, but I can only imagine they're scandalous since they're in a scary Halloween-esque font. I drank it all down. I'm not feeling anything particularly scandalous, but I was about to make lunch before I opened the packet and I totally forgot to follow through.
"Tap the Power. Get the Edge.TM" I'm tapping and getting, baby!
I too have tried to "Tap the Power" with Power Edge, but I found that while the extra 40 mg of caffeine didn't do much to increase my energy, it DID make me have to pee as much as if I was 43 weeks pregnant. It's Boone's favorite, but I much prefer the taste of the Crystal Light. I get mine at Walmart (stupid Walmart) but I have seen in in other grocery stores too.
And let's be really clear here -- when I say "increase my energy" that should be read "keep me from falling asleep if/when I sit down and prevent massive headaches at 5:00 pm when I go into withdrawals".
Yes, I know I am "addicted". I use quotes because I prefer to think that an addiction is something you wish to break. I am in no hurry to get off caffeine.
I have no problem finding Crystal Light. I want to know where you got that new Ben and Jerry's flavor. I'll be on the hunt later...
Off the subject, but Nicole, remember when I stuffed you in your pink sweatsuit in the shower in HS? That was awesome (don't know why I thought of that).
Emi, I actually do not remember that!
Are you sure it was me? And if you are sure, ummm, I had a pink sweatsuit? I do not remember that at all -- shame on me if I had one and wore it...to SCHOOL no less.
I do remember when you bought my old couch at our garage sale for the contents of your pocket and then Kenji lit it on fire in your backyard.
Now THAT was awesome.
TWENTY-TWO comments! (Now 23!) Is that a record? YOU ROCK! Even if you did wear a pink sweatsuit to school.
Pink Sweatsuit yes, it was at Idaho State in our hotel room for state. Granted, you didn't wear it to school, it was your "loungewear". And yes, the flaming couch. Can you believe that boy has survived into adulthood despite his antics?
A. You still haven't mentioned where you found the Pumpkin Cheesecake B & J's. Quit trying to hog it all! I went to Wal-Mart tonight and there wasn't any. I had to "make do" with Stephen Colbert's flavor.
B. I haven't found a Bissell anywhere but I keep seeing that Shark. Since I know you did your research (because that's just what we do), why did you choose the Bissell over the Shark? I'd like to make an informed decision...
C. This makes comment 25. Is that a record?
Chrystapooh:
X. Ok, I sort of haven't been able to find the Pumpkin Cheesecake yet. They sent me an email (Yes I get flavor updates from Ben and Jerry -- shut up about it) and because I know myself like the back of my hand, I know I will want to marry it. But I feel your pain -- I had to settle for One Cheesecake Brownie.
Y. When I was researching steam vacs the reviews I read were just better for the Bissell. At this point I can't remember why, and my own sister asked me the same thing about a month ago. I looked on Amazon and pretty much every other retailer I could find that offered user reviews. I'll try to dig a little more and see if anything rings a bell. Maybe the Shark has improved since then?
Z. This is my personal best! Although I don't want to get all big-headed about it since Sue got like 112 yesterday. If I ever write something that gets over 100 comments I will shave my own head.
If Deb thinks I write things that sound like the voices in her head, she HAS to check Sue out (she's on my bloglist -- Navel Gazing at It's Finest -- her best posts are clustered in the top right corner of the blog.)(Empty your bladder first.)
Just a thought -- the fact that everyone can EASILY find the Shark but not the Bissell??? Maybe because the Bissell is far superior/actually in high demand.
Suck it, Shark.
(But I still really don't know).
I just wanted to make comment 28...one step closer to a bald Nicole. I can just see it now...
29. Only 72 comments until Nicole goes bald. Seriously, you shouldn't have said that because now we're all going to comment for the sake of getting you over 100.
I've been reading Seriously, So Blessed. I don't really need to add more to that. You know how I feel about it. I feel, well, Seriously, So Blessed. Like, totally. When will i reach that level of genius?
30! Keep em coming ladies/gents! I would love to see Nicole bald (because I'm pretty sure I tried to shave her eyebrows off in High School while she was sleeping)...Oh wait, that was Lacy
Comment love for Nicole! Shave that head and then rock out to freakishly freaky John Mayer.
OK really people? You do NOT want to see me bald. I'm pretty sure I have an ugly head shape, and totally sure that I have two wicked scars in my scalp from a dog attack when I was 8 or 9.
On the other hand, how tough would I look if I was all bald with head scars? Hmmmm...
32 it is.
on the subject of Sonicare, If you love the Sonicare toothbrush, you will want to marry and have the babies of the Sonicare Toothbrush Sterilizer. I think I got it at Target.
And seriously, I'm not just saying that to add to your comment tally.
Seriously, I'm not
OK, maybe just a little...
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