Having one of your kids wake you up 45 minutes early because she has a hangnail she wants clipped. Because at 45 minutes, you don't have time to actually go back to bed but you have lost out on enough sleep to be mad about it. When I told her, "Next time, you need to wait until it's time to get up before coming to get me" she of course started crying, and then stormed out of the room saying, "Why do things like this just have to happen?!" and slammed the door.
Which woke up her brothers. Fantastic. Now I get to start my day 45 minutes early with an emotional wreck of a daughter and two grumpy boys. I love, love, LOVE eating my breakfast with 3 kids yelling at each other around the table. It's like dinner, only in the stupid morning that I hate and with no backup from Boone.
We wrapped up breakfast, brushed teeth and did hair, and then realized we were running about 10 minutes earlier than usual, so I told Rylan she could watch TV for a few minutes with her brothers. When it came time to go to the bus stop, she told me she would just watch from the window because she didn't want to get cold wearing the new shorts she INSISTED on wearing today, because they are having an Easter egg hunt (nevermind that they can't celebrate Halloween in school because THAT holiday is about worshipping the devil -- but the Resurrection is totally acceptable to celebrate in public school) and she NEEDED to be wearing something "Spring-y" or she "just wouldn't look right", and I said "No, you need to go to the bus stop" at which point Branik pooped.
So now I had to backtrack, say "Fine, watch out the window while I change Branik's diaper" (and yes, he's nearly 3 and still not potty trained, thankyouverymuch) but while I am dealing with that, she hears a new commercial on the TV, leaves the window to go see what it's all about, I yell "Get back to the window and watch for that bus!" just in time for her to get back and say, "Oops, I guess I didn't hear it today because there it goes".
BAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Me: "That's why I told you to STAND THERE RYLAN!!!"
Rylan: "Now I have ruined this whole day!" (stomps off crying. Again.)
Me: "Everyone get in the car -- we have to take Rylan to school"
Rylan: "You probably just hate me because of my hangnail"
Drive to the school -- get stuck behind the bus, which I called "the stupid bus", which is a big problem because Keaton has been saying "stupid" and getting in trouble for it all week, and now I called the bus stupid because Rylan missed it, so now Keaton has the green light and starts with, "Is that the STUPID bus Mom? Did you say STUPID bus? Why is the bus STUPID Mom?"
Rylan (muttering from back seat): "Not my fault the bus is stupid and came early..." (it didn't come early)
Keaton: "Mom! Rylan said STUPID too!"
Rylan: "Mom said it first."
Keaton: "Mom, did you say STUPID?"
Branik: "Stupid bus"
Me: "Everyone quit saying STUPID!"
Get to the school and pull up to the front, at which point Rylan starts crying again and refusing to get out of the car because "It's embarrassing to get to school before my bus gets here", even though kids are pouring into the school and cars are backing up behind us.
Me: "Get OUT of the car Rylan. There are tons of kids here already and your bus is pulling into the back right now!"
Keaton: "The STUPID bus, Mom?"
Branik: "STUPID BUS!!!"
Keaton: "Branik said STUPID!"
Rylan (getting out of the car): "You hate me and think I'm ridiculous and all of this day is my fault!"
Door slams shut. I drive away.
Good morning!
***UPDATE***
I just went to switch the laundry (I told you, it's my favorite thing to do) and opened the washing machine to discover an enormous but also EXPLODED diaper in with the towels. Yay! Because the only way for laundry to get better is to cover it with gel nuggets that used to be saturated with urine.
26 comments:
What a great way to start the morning! For me, I mean, reading your blog.
I can empathize. Chase has been waking me up to tell me I don't have a tinkler. Because, of course, that can't wait until 7.
Mornings suck. I hate mornings. ("Moooom, you said HATE!") And this morning is particularly icky because it's been raining for three days and it smells all wormy outside. I hate the way worms smell. ("MOM! You said HATE again!") And then, just to make the day even better, I SLIPPED on a big fat (now smashed) worm on my driveway. GAH!
But, for sure, your stupid morning wins. At least I didn't have to clean poop.
Thanks for the laugh, my friend.
I'm really sorry that you had a bad morning but was also so entertained by your post that I can't say I'm 100% sorry that it happened. "You just hate me because of my hangnail." I can't wait until Brody can say things like that. For now, I'll just have to be satisfied with, "If you weren't my mom, I want Andrew's mom to be my mom."
This is so hilarious. But, one question... How did you have time to write and post this this morning? You are good! Is it because you got up an extra 45 minutes early? Almost all my mornings are like this because I have to drive on the Stupid base! I have the same problem with that word. Once I say it, it becomes okay for my kids to say it over and over again. You need to keep posting more often.
I say crap(py) and suck(s). Gets me in trouble every time.
Rylan should be glad I'm not her mother. My parting words to her probably would have been along the lines of: "No, I don't hate you, yes, I think you're ridiculous sometimes, and yes, this day is your fault. Have a good time at school, Honey!" At which time I would have shoved her out the door and burned rubber.
Are you in town next week, or is it beach week? I can't remember.
Deb: You gotta put yourself in Chase's shoes -- if he woke up without his tinkler it would be pretty alarming. He's just concerned for your well being:)
Jess: I am pretty sure you need a girl to get comments about "hate for hangnails". You better get to work on that.
Sarah: I figured since I had 45 minutes I had time to blog it out, but you'll remember that I got to the Y late this morning and having forgotten Keaton's tuition for school. Well done, me.
Chrysta: We aren't going anywhere next week -- you'll probably be able to hear me beating my head against the wall by Tuesday after 2 full days with all 3 kids. The beach trip is in May after school gets out. Also, I curse you with a girl:)
Try TWO girls, life is never dull with girls! And Yes, in reference back to one of your older posts about Why you are in trouble when Rylan becomes a teenager, Elizabeth has broken down crying for no apparent reason, and could give me no explanation at all other than, I DON"T KNOW! Like sobbing crying...
Yes, we curse you all with girls!
Umm, I say stupid all the time. I just tell my kids that it is NOT ok to call someone stupid but yes things can be stupid especially when Mommy is driving...sad I know!
that sounds like our house but with gracie in kindergarten i just get to pull away and leave them. that is pure heaven..
I'm crying. That was hilarious. I can just picture it all in my mind. Oh the joys of a girl....I have a lot to look forward to.
Nicole,
This was the best post. I am so glad you are back to writing. I have missed your stories... So funny. I am still laughing. I love your talent of writing. You are able to put things so everyone sees your pain... I am sorry you were woke up 45 min early that really stinks.. Well I know girls are all drama but it doesn't help with your brother aka Kayden turned Brooklyn's alarm clock to go off at 1am... yeah I get a screaming crying girl at 1:00am. I of course didn't know how to turn the alarm off. Hello it was $5.00 at target. So I just unplugged it.... Luckly we were all able to go back to sleep. But Big Brothers are not so nice...
Thanks for the laugh. I'm sorry I get such joy at your pain... But you totally made my day....
As for the S word. I just had to laugh. That is a swear word at our house, I know we are weird...
Oh my gosh, are you kidding? I am suddenly feeling quite content with just one daughter who's not too opinionated yet. Wow, it's crazy how they can just gang up on your like that.
Stupid Bus.
Oh my freaking nasty.
I know that urine is supposed to be sterile, but still.
As for me being cursed with a girl, I say BRING IT ON. I've got to do SOMETHING with the closet full of dresses and that pink diaper bag on the top shelf and the three pairs of baby mary janes (1 in each size) I just bought because they were on clearance and they will be too freaking cute with all those dresses in the closet. And I would still react the same way, even if I get a Rylan of my own. Because I'm a mean mom and I don't DO drama. Ask Anna how empathetic I am to little girls' drama. She's got first-hand experience...
(But I still LOVE Ry, even if she IS a drama queen just like her mother :D )
I seriously love your play-by-play conversations! I'm not making light of your crazy morning, but I had to laugh! Hope your day is better!
Everyone:
It is perfectly okay to be laughing at my pain -- I love posting things like this because I love READING things like this. These days I find that if I am really fuming, there's probably a great blog post brewing:)
BTW, my day has been just fine, and I honestly think a big part of that was just venting the ridiculousness as soon as it happened. Boone called at lunch and asked, "How was your morning?", so I had him read this out loud to me, and we were both dying laughing.
Rumor has it this is the good stuff in the parenting department. Whether that's true or not, I'll have some written proof to toss back at Rylan in 20 years when she calls to complain about her kids!
On that note, let me also say that I am eternally grateful that blogs didn't exist when I was a kid, because YIKES.
All because of a hangnail. Awesome.
My nephew Mason (Bed's son, of course) put me in a 20 minute time out for saying stupid once. Lesson learned, dude.
Hope tomorrow morning is hangnail free.
You should maybe put that in vinyl lettering on an antiqued board above Rylan's bed? "All because a little girl got a hangnail..."
Gel nuggets. I'm feeling that "covered wagon/dutch oven" queasiness coming back.
Have I ever mentioned that I love when you post? L-O-V-E.
I just have to add, since we're partly talking about kids repeating what we say, that I reallyreallyreally hope I'm there for it when EmmaBean calls Alyssa "Stupid Jerkwadface" for the first time. Even better would be if EB calls some random annoying stranger Stupid Jerkwadface. Watching Lylla trying to disown her first-born would be soooooo much fun :)
OH MY GOSH. I have the BESSSSSSSSST idea ever: Let mom post some of her favorite Nicole moments from childhood. Please? Seriously? Your readers would DIE!!!
And, thanks for the laugh. I needed that. Really. Oh little Rylan, she is so sweet.
And, I'm in trouble, Brinlee seems to take after her big cousin already.
I'm all about hearing about Nicoles childhood. You know they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. HUMM what do you think Nicoles Mom are you up for the challenge?
Also I love Chi-townRawlins idea of vinyl lettering on an antiqued board above Rylan's bed? "All because a little girl got a hangnail..."
Priceless.
Dear Chrysta,
You are a Stupid Jerkwadface:)
Nicole...you are scaring me. Emma already has a flair for the dramatics. Did Rylan start early? Sigh...
You'd better believe YIKES!
Nicole's mom
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mom, its not even late enough in the evening for you to be busting out the Betty-humor!!!
Oh PLEASE Court -- like I could even hold a candle to most of the crap you pulled as a kid/teenager! Tell you what -- Mom can write a bunch of stories about me for MY blog, and then a bunch of stories about you for YOUR blog. We can have a contest and vote on who was a worse child:) It'll be close...
You were both angel children and the lights of my life. From the day you were each born, you each have brought incredible joy to me. All four of my daughters have armed me with an arsenal of stories (Nicole rescuing caterpillars, Tiffany going down the hill on a garbage can, Courtney standing in Giles Market with an armload of cookies, and Caitlin crawling out backwards from underneath Nicole's bed covered in chocolate, to name a few)and I would not trade a second of raising any of you. And that is the truth.
Oh now Betty, how can you give us such a yummy little taste and then leave us hanging so sweetly?????
WOW!! I have no children and can not relate at all. BUT
1. I think you are amazing for doing that everyday
2. thanks for making me laugh.
So here's the thing, I swear I put your list on my blog list forever ago...turns out I didn't, I just took forever catching up and YAY!! I love your blog! You are hilarious!
Post a Comment